FT2LIV

Debbie, When we first met, I was in the midst of raging against a war within my body. We met in the Fall of 2010 at a Colts Softball practice. I had just undergone my first Chemo treatment and was sitting far away from the crowd wearing my big black hat and sunglasses; to keep me away from germs and protect my chemo skin from the sun. You didn't say anything that day, but once we spoke at the next game, you took me under your wing. You made me feel normal, loved, part of the group in our new neighborhood. You showed my daughter that women can survive breast cancer and live a good life! She needed that. She was so scared that I was going to die, you saved her from worry - thank you. Over the past year, your family has become an extension of our family. I have only known you for a year, there is so much more I want to know about you. There just hasn't been enough time. Here is what I am sure of, with your incredibly beautiful soul, my friend, you are going to have the biggest ang...

Luke 1:37 For nothing is impossible with God. This verse has cropped up many times this week; first in a blog in which a mother grieves her son whom she lost in the terrible flooding last week. Since, it has been in my head and I have been seeing it everywhere. Nothing with God is impossible. Lately, I have been trying to pretend I am normal. As if I am not a cancer survivor. As if I shouldn't have to worry about recurrence and mastitis. Then life reminds you - YOU ARE A SURVIVOR - and through him all things are possible. i can pretend I am in control and even help the big man out by eating healthy, working out, nurturing my spirit, etc. But I am not in control, not one bit. With all that I do to fight this disease, it can come back whenever it wants to and I have no control, at all. That is just plan fact. Sad, devastating, and true. It can sneak up on me and rock my world all over again. BUT, it is not quite that simple, is it? You see, nothing with God is impossible. With my fai...

Two weeks ago tomorrow I began the process to physically rebuild by undergoing phase 1 of a very long process for reconstruction. The surgery went very well and my surgeon, Dr. Davison and his staff are amazing. My recovery has been a dream and other than waiting for my drains to come out (they are so gross, I will spare the details) I am back on track. I won't be able to work out for a couple more weeks, but I am trying to get back to activity with walks, etc. But...my surgery is not what brings me back here. For some reason, sharing my story and where this damn cancer journey takes me on this blog is cleansing. Even if nobody reads it. Last Saturday, I did Race for the Cure - a last minute decision sparked out of middle of the night anger at this disease while I was recovering from surgery. I awoke at 3AM mad at cancer and ready to give it another ass whooping. So, I registered for Race for the Cure, a place where we can raise money to make a difference...and Susan G. Komen makes...

Spring is one of my favorite seasons. I love the newness of it, the fresh grass, flower buds, even checking what weeds are trying to make their way into my garden. I always have visions of all that I will do through the next few seasons while the weather is warm and I can be outdoors mulling about. The newness of Spring has me shopping - not just any shopping, shopping for my next adventure. Soon, I will begin to re-build Amanda. The past year has been about stripping me down, cleaning out the bad stuff, and kicking cancer's ever loving ass. Now, I am rebuilding - reconstructing. I have interviewed several doctors and it is really hard to decide which one to choose. We are so blessed to live in this age of medicine and choice! I am so blessed not to have a medical plan that limits my choices...but with lots of choice comes tough decisions. I think I have made up my mind, I have surgery scheduled on May 25 and I pray that I am making the right decision. Only time will tell and my fa...

I should have listened to my intuition this morning that told me just to stay in bed a little longer...but then again, it tells me that every day. My routine of drinking greens, juicing vegetables, taking new vitamins, and working out at least 4-5 times a week has really got me going. I feel great and I am ready to tell the world about the amazing benefits of these things (ok...so some of you have had to hear me rant about this already....sorry). Off to work I went, only to be slapped down by some events that really triggered the not so happy side of me...I decided that all involved would be best served if I detached and took a little walk. On my walk I discovered the Blood Drive...why not I asked? I should be ok, right? I am months off of treatment, I am a pillar of health (insert laugh here)...there is no reason not to give and give back. hmmm...not so fast bucky. I read through the list of in-eligible donors, my "condition" was not on there...so to the booth I went. At thi...

I recall when my kids were little, after their baths, they would sing out "ALL CLEAN"!!! I am not sure when we started this, but that is what rang in my head when I hung up the phone after chatting with Dr. Darling, my Oncologist. Yes, we are ALL CLEAN with a check-up in three months and another round of CT Scans in 6 months. Today is a day to celebrate life and live it with all we've got. I have been running - today I ran a little over two miles, the word on the street is that when you can run three miles, you have "arrived" as a runner. So, today I strive to add "runner" to my list of me which will bring me a little closer to that goal of completing a Sprint Tri . For those of you who know me, you know that I am super graceful and that watching me run is like watching the Washington Ballet (kidding)...so keep an eye out for the clumsy one running in Leesburg , I just might trip over your car.

Time flies...I can't believe how much has happened in three months and that I haven't blogged about it. Since my last post, I have returned to work full time, returned to school, entered back into the world of full time worker and mom trying to balance the activities of every day life, all while looking for new ways to live a healthy lifestyle. But first...let me tell you that I did have my three month CT scan two weeks ago. There is a life lesson in here...somewhere. Apparently, it is a good idea to have your scans at the same facility, which I did not. I had my August scans at Fairfax Radiology and my March scan at Washington Radiology. When I walked in to get my scan a couple of weeks ago...my bad karma flag was flying high. The nurse was the same nurse who was there for the Mammo hell and the very woman who told me "not to jump" when it was determined that I needed a biopsy. Back then..she told me that I would be fine and that most biopsies turn out to be false a...