The good, the bad, and the very ugly.
Yep, here it is, another blog with probably TMI. Yes, I have a journal, but I like typing and sharing. Some part of me feels that the more I share, the more people can understand. I know, there are lots of us out there in this club. Many of which who write, blog, speak - I never understood it, until I joined the club. I always thought that the Breast Cancer club was big and that perhaps other cancer clubs paled in it's light. I often wondered if it was fair, if the whole pink ribbon phenomena was too cliche. Yep, I said it. Well, now I get it. You know what, it IS big..it should be. 1 in 8 women will have to face this. Seriously. How many women out there today are fearfully feeling that lump they discovered and wondering what to do next...scared of the possibilities? Wondering how to tell their children, mothers, friends, co-workers, husbands..dogs? It is big, and it needs to be. This is crap and we have to make it better, somehow.
So..today I am on not to rant about the pink ribbon, but to share about the ugly side of it. I thought I was a tough guy. After my first Chemo treatment last Friday, I had so many good days, I was wondering, what is the big deal (here comes the ego again...)...this isn't so bad. I even joked to my boss that I might run a marathon next week. Then...it came..first like a gentle breeze...body aches...slight upset stomach. Then came the tornado, flying in as fast and furious as a level 5 might...terrifying body aches that rocked my core and sent the strong me into tears, nausea that just wouldn't quit, I couldn't stand up without hunching, couldn't eat without getting sick, couldn't focus on the computer. Here she is, this is the US Oncology that advertises that is it bigger than Cancer. And, by the storm in my body, it is. Lucky for me, it lasted a brief period, less than 24 hours really, for the hard stuff. God and US Oncology, fighting cancer through me..two forces I am glad are on my side. Today, I am feeling ok, back to a series of simple flu like symptoms, which I embrace like a child does their favorite teddy - anything beats yesterday.
Thankfully, I am surrounded by an incredible faith, community, friends, family, Facebook, all of it...every outlet gives me strength and hope. I thank you all for the words, hugs, calls, meals, cards, movie times, hikes....my bud kidnapped me for the day and we went and explored the beauty of our area, another friend even crocheted me a hat, my husband jumped through hoops to bring me Hermes, all these memories/tokens I will cherish. While these things and support won't take it away, the people behind them make it so much more bearable.
So, today I stand proud to be in the Pink Ribbon club, it is not a cliche, it is not too big, in fact it HAS to get bigger, we have to find a way to stop this...and make it easier for those joining the club behind me.
If you made it through this, sorry...go grab a cup of coffee and raise your mug to the faith and ribbon, whatever the color. :)
So..today I am on not to rant about the pink ribbon, but to share about the ugly side of it. I thought I was a tough guy. After my first Chemo treatment last Friday, I had so many good days, I was wondering, what is the big deal (here comes the ego again...)...this isn't so bad. I even joked to my boss that I might run a marathon next week. Then...it came..first like a gentle breeze...body aches...slight upset stomach. Then came the tornado, flying in as fast and furious as a level 5 might...terrifying body aches that rocked my core and sent the strong me into tears, nausea that just wouldn't quit, I couldn't stand up without hunching, couldn't eat without getting sick, couldn't focus on the computer. Here she is, this is the US Oncology that advertises that is it bigger than Cancer. And, by the storm in my body, it is. Lucky for me, it lasted a brief period, less than 24 hours really, for the hard stuff. God and US Oncology, fighting cancer through me..two forces I am glad are on my side. Today, I am feeling ok, back to a series of simple flu like symptoms, which I embrace like a child does their favorite teddy - anything beats yesterday.
Thankfully, I am surrounded by an incredible faith, community, friends, family, Facebook, all of it...every outlet gives me strength and hope. I thank you all for the words, hugs, calls, meals, cards, movie times, hikes....my bud kidnapped me for the day and we went and explored the beauty of our area, another friend even crocheted me a hat, my husband jumped through hoops to bring me Hermes, all these memories/tokens I will cherish. While these things and support won't take it away, the people behind them make it so much more bearable.
So, today I stand proud to be in the Pink Ribbon club, it is not a cliche, it is not too big, in fact it HAS to get bigger, we have to find a way to stop this...and make it easier for those joining the club behind me.
If you made it through this, sorry...go grab a cup of coffee and raise your mug to the faith and ribbon, whatever the color. :)
Comments
I find your blogging courageous and inspiring. YOu could cower away and hide but that is not you. You become stronger each time you share your story and you help one more person, whether it is through encouraging them to get a mammogram or letting them know they are not the only one. Your personal fight has and will continue to become a fight for everyone who is battling this disease. This disease will not define you but through it, you may find a calling in life you had never thought of before.
My thoughts are always with you!