FT2LIV

I haven't ranted in a while, if ever, about the joys of being a working mom of three wonderful kiddos. The fact of the matter is, being a mom is tough stuff, working outside of the home or not. I am very blessed to work for an awesome company that allows me to work from home while providing some flexibility in my schedule. I don't know how I could cope if I had to go back to commuting to an office every day, especially around here with the traffic. For those of you who do, my hats off to you. I am super spoiled, but we all know that.  Anyway, even though I can work from home, this doesn't help my to-do list at all. Like all of us, the list, if I ever get around to making it, is miles long, not just one mile, but MILES!!! Sometimes the crap gets done, sometimes it doesn't. So far, the world has not caved in if I have to get take out 5, 6, or 7 nights a week, or hit target for clean socks because all of ours are dirty. J This time of year, our lists are insane, ...

These days I am pondering the strength of the human spirit, the will to do whatever it takes to fight to live. Here in the Chesley house, we have a lot of fighters. Watching Jill persevere through such a traumatic accident was awesome to witness. There was not much that would keep her down, she laughed, made others laugh, and took each moment with grace. She had hope, which seems to be  a key ingredient to the fight of the human spirit. I cannot imagine ever giving up, but I am starting to wonder,  what is the breaking point? Over the holidays, I witnessed a loved one who is struggling with a debilitating disease partake in the very activity that caused the disease in the first place. I cannot fathom or empathize. I haven't been there. What causes a person to give life the bird and just say forget it? Do you reach a point of no return and just decide to knowingly cause further harm to your body leaving you to literally wait for the inevitable? Watching this made me sad...

...from being brought to our knees. Matt Kearny sings these lyrics in Closer to Love. When I first heard this song...I thought how true the words are. Today I come back to my home base blog to vent again. I know, seriously, when will I just stop venting??? Well, today I am venting with a purpose. Imagine that you are in the prime of your life, strong, fit, young...32 young, living lots of  "life is good" moments. You start feeling a little "off" so ultimately head to the doc, after a series of tests, even a surgery, you get the phone call that brings you to your knees. You have stage three Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Seriously? Yes, seriously. The next six months will be filled with MRI's, biopsies, CT Scans...with Barrium (yum), and Chemotherapy. Six months of Chemotherapy. Six Months. The good news, 83.9% five year survival rate, a statistic I know my friend will beat and he will be chasing his grandkids, and great grandkids as an old, old man. Along with the ...

It is hard to believe that I have not been here, to my safety net, since March of this year. I have been thinking of writing, lord knows enough has happened since March. What brings me here today is cancer, again. I know....you are thinking, geesh Amanda, it has been two years since your last treatment, can't you move on already? I can, I do, sometimes. But the problem is that I live with the effects of Chemo every single day. At least I think I do. You see, my brain just doesn't seem to be the same. I used to be so quick witted and fast...fast worker, fast typer, fast thinker. Not so much anymore. Oh, I can still hold my own in a meeting, with the intellects, it is just not a cake walk anymore. I have to work harder, my motivation is just on a low speed. It seems to take me forever to get through a task, or grab on to a task and finish it. So...not to complain, but seriously, this sucks. I am trying everything, brain teasers (when I feel like it), medicine, juices, exercise,...

I think about this blog often and yet I don't find myself coming to write. I am torn with feelings of self doubt, afraid to be too negative, too positive, or to melancholy. Strange, when this was my main venue for releasing and sharing the energies around fighting breast cancer. Here's the deal, life is full of ups and downs, whether I am fighting an illness or not. We are all survivors! Survivors of the constant flow of energy that surrounds us. During the course of a day, many of us go through so many emotions, we probably couldn't count. From watching the news and crying with the mother who lost her legs saving her kids in the tornado, to joy of seeing a friend, anger when the kids do something that strikes the chord, and so on. The bottom line, I have to remember to stop and think - is this drama and all the emotion I am wasting worth it? Life is full of so much beauty, we just have to stop along the way and grab it. Rather than picking up others negative emotions, toda...