Chemo Brain or Toxic Work Environment?
It is hard to believe that I have not been here, to my safety net, since March of this year. I have been thinking of writing, lord knows enough has happened since March. What brings me here today is cancer, again. I know....you are thinking, geesh Amanda, it has been two years since your last treatment, can't you move on already? I can, I do, sometimes. But the problem is that I live with the effects of Chemo every single day. At least I think I do. You see, my brain just doesn't seem to be the same. I used to be so quick witted and fast...fast worker, fast typer, fast thinker. Not so much anymore. Oh, I can still hold my own in a meeting, with the intellects, it is just not a cake walk anymore. I have to work harder, my motivation is just on a low speed. It seems to take me forever to get through a task, or grab on to a task and finish it.
So...not to complain, but seriously, this sucks. I am trying everything, brain teasers (when I feel like it), medicine, juices, exercise, you name it. Nothing seems to really work, not long term anyway. My request to the few of you who may read this and have gone through major crisis and poisoning of your body - how do you get through this? Are there any remedies? Is this just the way it is, from now on? Is Chemo to blame, or am I using that as a crutch and I really am losing my mind?
That's all for now...it feels good to let it out and be real, to admit that this disease and the medicines take a long term effect, they really do. If those I work with are reading this, I am still worthy, I promise. :) Perhaps it is not chemo, but the job itself. I am making a change soon, out of my current work group and into another, maybe that will foster a change and drive to succeed that I struggle to find right now. Perhaps a change of scenery, new challenges and personalities will drive motivation and give the finger to chemo brain.....hmmm, I will report back once I make the change. See, I knew writing it down would help. ;)
Thanks for listening. I will come back soon, there has been much I have learned this year outside of cancer but on the topic of survival, crisis, and watching what it does to people, watching another fight to live with an intensity that brings awe.
XOXO,
Amanda
So...not to complain, but seriously, this sucks. I am trying everything, brain teasers (when I feel like it), medicine, juices, exercise, you name it. Nothing seems to really work, not long term anyway. My request to the few of you who may read this and have gone through major crisis and poisoning of your body - how do you get through this? Are there any remedies? Is this just the way it is, from now on? Is Chemo to blame, or am I using that as a crutch and I really am losing my mind?
That's all for now...it feels good to let it out and be real, to admit that this disease and the medicines take a long term effect, they really do. If those I work with are reading this, I am still worthy, I promise. :) Perhaps it is not chemo, but the job itself. I am making a change soon, out of my current work group and into another, maybe that will foster a change and drive to succeed that I struggle to find right now. Perhaps a change of scenery, new challenges and personalities will drive motivation and give the finger to chemo brain.....hmmm, I will report back once I make the change. See, I knew writing it down would help. ;)
Thanks for listening. I will come back soon, there has been much I have learned this year outside of cancer but on the topic of survival, crisis, and watching what it does to people, watching another fight to live with an intensity that brings awe.
XOXO,
Amanda
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