What it's like
...it all turned out to be ok...but these are thoughts written during a recent scare....life is good.
So...bad news is that I feel a lump...again, and in the same place I felt it three years ago. Good news is, I am getting an ultrasound on my boob, thanks to my rockin' oncologist who is very cautious and listens. To be honest, I felt this lump a while ago, and doc gave me the ultrasound order in November. I am kicking myself for waiting so long, for letting fear once again take hold and cause paralysis. I hope that God's grace is on my side today and this is just nothing but scar tissue. Shout out to you God, I have faith in my destiny and your purpose, but please don't let that be cancer vs. Amanda, round two.
I am sitting in the little closet room in Washington Radiology waiting for my turn at the ultra sound machine, they are running behind, it is 45 min past my appt time and there are still two ahead of me. So much for this being a quick part of my day, no stress, in and out. The longer I sit, the more I stew, and worry...and stew some more. It'll be ok, ri....buzzzzz...
Pardon the interruption, incoming text from my bud: "u good" then "B R E A T H E" ...thanks, just in time, I am breathing again.
The closet room, they try to make it nice,,,but you are in a closet for peets sake...waiting for your boobs to be peeked at...with things like "Mammo FreshWipes" and ARRID Extra Dry...reading signs about how this practice has "raised the bar on breast cancer detection"
Seriously? Mammo Wipes and ARRID, first of all, my pits are fine, thank you very much...and second of all under no circumstances is aerosol, chemical laden deodorant touching this body...oh, dammnit, I am just bitter and scared. It is nice of them to supply these things, I suppose, and the robes are so stylish and comfy....how can I not be happy.
Well, off to fret and worry and fret more...in the very place where I learned i had cancer the last time. If I do have cancer again, I will don the boxing gloves and do all I can to kick its ass. Promise. And once again, I will be vocal and let you know how much it sucks along the way. I am grateful for the reprieve and hope I am still cancer free....thanks for listening.
P.S. I kept this a big secret, you see, when I vocalize it and tell people I am scared, it becomes more real for me. I am sorry, no hard feelings, ok?
I am sitting in the little closet room in Washington Radiology waiting for my turn at the ultra sound machine, they are running behind, it is 45 min past my appt time and there are still two ahead of me. So much for this being a quick part of my day, no stress, in and out. The longer I sit, the more I stew, and worry...and stew some more. It'll be ok, ri....buzzzzz...
Pardon the interruption, incoming text from my bud: "u good" then "B R E A T H E" ...thanks, just in time, I am breathing again.
The closet room, they try to make it nice,,,but you are in a closet for peets sake...waiting for your boobs to be peeked at...with things like "Mammo FreshWipes" and ARRID Extra Dry...reading signs about how this practice has "raised the bar on breast cancer detection"
Seriously? Mammo Wipes and ARRID, first of all, my pits are fine, thank you very much...and second of all under no circumstances is aerosol, chemical laden deodorant touching this body...oh, dammnit, I am just bitter and scared. It is nice of them to supply these things, I suppose, and the robes are so stylish and comfy....how can I not be happy.
Well, off to fret and worry and fret more...in the very place where I learned i had cancer the last time. If I do have cancer again, I will don the boxing gloves and do all I can to kick its ass. Promise. And once again, I will be vocal and let you know how much it sucks along the way. I am grateful for the reprieve and hope I am still cancer free....thanks for listening.
P.S. I kept this a big secret, you see, when I vocalize it and tell people I am scared, it becomes more real for me. I am sorry, no hard feelings, ok?
Comments