FT2LIV

Tomorrow is Jill's surgery and I am a wreck. I am so full of nervous energy that sitting in front of a computer is absolute torture. After trying for may hours yesterday to sit and work quietly, I finally gave up and took the afternoon off to be nervous. Is that even a valid excuse to take time off?? I ended up running errands, cleaning closets, cleaning the garage - you know, nesting! Is this normal? To be going crazy like this? I hope so, otherwise the men in white jackets may be coming to take me away soon. Today is a little better, since I got some items checked off the list yesterday, I have been successful for sitting at my desk for a little over an hour now...there may be hope for the work to-do list after all. Then again, I am writing this instead of working, so....we'll see. Anyway, that's all, I just needed to vent. Please pray for my Jill, the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, the nurses, and all the staff that will work so hard to make the surgery a success...

We are throwing a shower for VCU - weird, right? As most of you know, our daughter Jillian and her friend were involved in a horrible accident this summer while being pulled on a tube by a Jet Ski. Jillian was airlifted to a level one trauma center @ VCU in Richmond, VA. It was the scariest day of my life, and I wasn’t sure if my baby was going to make it or what the long term damage would be – each piece of good news from the medical professionals treating her was like a brick being lifted from my chest. We soon learned that she would be ok but that we had a long road ahead of us. Jillian suffered an orbital fracture, a severe concussion, ocular muscle damage, a bruised chest wall, multiple pelvic fractures, several lacerations, and a broken femur. She was in a wheel chair and used a walker for several months and is now back to walking and running, thanks to God’s grace and the miracle of medicine. Her fractures have healed and we are progressing...

It’s true; today I am drawing inspiration from the world’s fifth best party city! No, I did not spend all night out partying with Barack and Michelle to celebrate MLK and the Inauguration. I will not be posting pictures of John and I dancing with Joe Biden and Sonia Sotomayer. The real truth is that my morning quiet time led me to Thessaloniki, Greece – the world’s fifth largest party city! What I learned and walked away with? Peace, Love, and Gratitude. Like Glennon over @ Momastery says: Love WINS!!!! This weekend a friend of mine was talking about Beth Moore, I was intrigued and thought I’d check out Beth’s blog: http://blog.lproof.org/ which discusses a Tuesday Bible Study and asks the question: What are you most looking forward to? That’s a loaded question. Because brilliance is my middle name, I am assuming the question is referring to the bible study and not just a general, what’s up.   Uh-Oh…deep thoughts are coming…do I turn back now and close ...

I haven't ranted in a while, if ever, about the joys of being a working mom of three wonderful kiddos. The fact of the matter is, being a mom is tough stuff, working outside of the home or not. I am very blessed to work for an awesome company that allows me to work from home while providing some flexibility in my schedule. I don't know how I could cope if I had to go back to commuting to an office every day, especially around here with the traffic. For those of you who do, my hats off to you. I am super spoiled, but we all know that.  Anyway, even though I can work from home, this doesn't help my to-do list at all. Like all of us, the list, if I ever get around to making it, is miles long, not just one mile, but MILES!!! Sometimes the crap gets done, sometimes it doesn't. So far, the world has not caved in if I have to get take out 5, 6, or 7 nights a week, or hit target for clean socks because all of ours are dirty. J This time of year, our lists are insane, ...

These days I am pondering the strength of the human spirit, the will to do whatever it takes to fight to live. Here in the Chesley house, we have a lot of fighters. Watching Jill persevere through such a traumatic accident was awesome to witness. There was not much that would keep her down, she laughed, made others laugh, and took each moment with grace. She had hope, which seems to be  a key ingredient to the fight of the human spirit. I cannot imagine ever giving up, but I am starting to wonder,  what is the breaking point? Over the holidays, I witnessed a loved one who is struggling with a debilitating disease partake in the very activity that caused the disease in the first place. I cannot fathom or empathize. I haven't been there. What causes a person to give life the bird and just say forget it? Do you reach a point of no return and just decide to knowingly cause further harm to your body leaving you to literally wait for the inevitable? Watching this made me sad...

...from being brought to our knees. Matt Kearny sings these lyrics in Closer to Love. When I first heard this song...I thought how true the words are. Today I come back to my home base blog to vent again. I know, seriously, when will I just stop venting??? Well, today I am venting with a purpose. Imagine that you are in the prime of your life, strong, fit, young...32 young, living lots of  "life is good" moments. You start feeling a little "off" so ultimately head to the doc, after a series of tests, even a surgery, you get the phone call that brings you to your knees. You have stage three Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Seriously? Yes, seriously. The next six months will be filled with MRI's, biopsies, CT Scans...with Barrium (yum), and Chemotherapy. Six months of Chemotherapy. Six Months. The good news, 83.9% five year survival rate, a statistic I know my friend will beat and he will be chasing his grandkids, and great grandkids as an old, old man. Along with the ...

It is hard to believe that I have not been here, to my safety net, since March of this year. I have been thinking of writing, lord knows enough has happened since March. What brings me here today is cancer, again. I know....you are thinking, geesh Amanda, it has been two years since your last treatment, can't you move on already? I can, I do, sometimes. But the problem is that I live with the effects of Chemo every single day. At least I think I do. You see, my brain just doesn't seem to be the same. I used to be so quick witted and fast...fast worker, fast typer, fast thinker. Not so much anymore. Oh, I can still hold my own in a meeting, with the intellects, it is just not a cake walk anymore. I have to work harder, my motivation is just on a low speed. It seems to take me forever to get through a task, or grab on to a task and finish it. So...not to complain, but seriously, this sucks. I am trying everything, brain teasers (when I feel like it), medicine, juices, exercise,...